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I'm sitting at my computer right now having just come 'off air' at Sky News.
As a guest of this weekly preview/review of the A-League and Premier League it requires many hours watching games.
Well tonight to start the segment Craig Norenbergs, who presents and oversees all the sport, played a short excerpt from Channel Nine's A Current Affair.
It was Wally Lewis's brutally honest story of dealing with a crisis many of us will never understand - except me.
In short Wally had/has epilepsy. The vision of him having seizures on air was to say the least very graphic and for me a scary reminder of the day I got caught on air.
Much of what he was saying in the story was a perfect mirror image of my life. The only difference was Wally considered suicide.
Having had seizures while playing for Australia too, I feared being caught out and possibly discriminated against as well.
In hindsight the biggest burden was the keeping of the secret.
My family knew but I wasn't going to tell anyone else. As I said I was fortunate not to get suicidal but I do have very vivid memories of hitting rock bottom pre-operation.
I didn't make it to the point of suicide but there was one case that highlighted how empty life got for me even if it was just for a matter of minutes.
If you're going to keep such a secret you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences.
If people keep seeing you hitching a lift from one place to another they'll soon make judgment that you're a 'tight arse'.
That is exactly what happened to me. I was waiting for my lift to Newcastle by the side of the F3 freeway in Sydney and I suddenly sensed that all the cars flying past were full of drivers staring.
As far as I was concerned they looked at me as if I was some kind of freak show. It was humiliating sitting there in full view of their leering eyes as I waited for the Outside Broadcast van to pick me up.
I remember thinking I've gone from the highest soccer office in the land (captain) to a beggar on the street. I'd gone from competing at the 1988 Olympics to marking Maradona and finally to this. It sounds silly, I know, but I started feeling sorry for myself and it hurt.
I was having seizures all my life but for the most part didn't realise it. In the early years growing up in Melbourne I was having mild seizures that would consist of feelings of sickness, loneliness and high temperature.
It only lasted 30 seconds but boy did I hate it. This must be the way my body handled pressure, or so I thought, as it happened at exam time.
To cut a long story short I had my first recognized seizure when I collapsed in front of Pedro Ruz (Socceroo physio) right before we were to play Argentina in Buenos Aires in 1993.
From there it was demanded I go to see a neurologist as soon as we got back to Australia. Of course, I didn't. In the end I bowed to the pressure of doctor, physio and well-informed wife.
Sure enough there it was; a scare in the area of the front temporal lobe. That's when the secret started and it remained so until after I retired.
Eventually I got caught having a seizure while interviewing Paul Okon for Channel 7 in 1999 and had no choice then but to explain myself on radio, TV and print.
In that time I had several seizures that went undetected by all but me. On a pre-recorded TV show in Sydney I completely lost all control of my speech.
I came to, hearing Robbie Slater say 'what the hell happened there?'
Quick as a flash I explained that I'd had a sore throat and couldn't get the words out.
On another occasion I was in the 2UE studio in Sydney talking live on air to Gerard Healy (AFL) and the late David Hookes (cricket) in Melbourne.
I came out of the seizure to find that I'd knocked a cup of water all over the switchboard. I told the technician in Sydney that I'd slipped and the director in Melbourne that they sounded distorted from their end too.
I'd gotten away with it again. I had my first Grand Mal seizure right in front of a doctor of all people. I woke to find that I was covered in sweat when in fact it was urine.
Yep, I'd wet myself. It's all part of the fear of the epilepsy and adds to the questions of when, where, what, why and how the next one will occur.
Seizures may yet come back to haunt me but with lifetime medication I won't get that low again.
Here's a thought for you! We both played for Australia, we both captained Australia and we both wore No.6. Is it the work of the devil because keeping the secret certainly made life hell.
On a lighter note, Central Coast will win the grand final.
Lifeline: www.lifeline.org.au - 13 11 14
beyondblue: beyondblue.org.au - 1300 224 636