Women of Warne: The past, present and future

warne

MORE: The ugly truth about Shaun Marsh

What an opportune moment to reflect on the great man’s dating history, and cast ahead to where it might all go next.

His last fling was Emily Scott.

In a rare social media appearance, Warney decided to announce that breakup publicly.

For those who don't know, Emily is a model and DJ.

For completeness, Shane is now a cricket commentator and wax statue

Emily didn't appear to be as sad as Shane, getting 'laid in the sun' almost immediately after the news was broken.

At the time, another of Warne's ex-girlfriends, Liz Hurley, was also good enough to provide her thoughts on the break up.

She sent me her favourite pic of her and Shane together, stating that she still had deep feelings for him and wished him all the best.


Liz Hurley and Shane Warne during the good times
 

Anyhow, the aim of the love game is to bat as long as possible.

Unfortunately, this goes against Shane's natural instincts of ending an innings as quickly as he can.

Shane's relationship with Emily was probably doomed to fail given his summation of how they met:

"I said hello and she gave me doughnuts"


I've never known picking up on the first date as someone 'giving me doughnuts'.

But I'm Gen X, which means the cool kids are using language that I don't know about.

The upshot for Shane is that he no longer has to battle for the mascara in the mornings.

That reminds me. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Anyhow, if the latest dalliance with Liz comes to nought, Shane's next move is an important one.

So, to ensure Shane gets it right next time, I have created this list of potential girlfriends for his consideration.
 

Jacqui Lambie

Who's excited to date Shane Warne?

This single Australian Senator was recently asked how she likes her men.

"Now they must have heaps of cash and they've got to have a package between their legs, let's be honest."

Don't believe me? See this.

Now I don't know what Shane packs between his legs, but advances in plastic surgery must mean… actually I just can’t go there.


Lara Bingle

I know she is married, but has that stopped either of them in the past?

This one makes plenty of sense.

Lara likes cricket and enjoys making a fool of herself in love and other matters.

Coincidentally, Warne enjoys the exact same hobbies.

A match made in heaven perhaps?


Tinder

Everyone deserves to be the beneficiary of a swipe to the right.

If you happen to do it when Shane's picture appears, you probably deserve it more than most.

For something a little different, Warne could also go for a celebrity gold digger. Brynne Edelsten is single I hear.


The Bachelor

The most logical choice for Shane is to appear on next season's series of 'The Bachelor'.

This highly classy show gives him the freedom to date multiple young girls at once.

All of this within the comfort and bounds of a manufactured television orgy.

This is, of course, a naturally occurring environment and one where Warne has proven abilities.

The great thing is that if Shane keeps this form up, we may one day see a Broadway Musical highlighting his exploits.

Author(s)