Big Bash: Lunatics, louts and larrikins

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BBL. Lunatics

Players you would happily shout all night just to enter their crazy world for a few hours.

Or flick beer coasters at and set the public bar's chief bore on to ensure they never again darkened your pub's door.

Here's our rather loose guide to the BBL's team of LLLs.     


Name: Doug Bollinger 

Team: Sydney Sixers

Nickname: Doug the Rug

Best known for: Licking team-mates' ears and walking around the dressing room naked – but not at the same time! He also likes to jump on his pretend Victa and mow the outfield between balls.  

Would you include him in your shout and why? Yes, most definitely. Not only is Dougie good value on the drink, he likes his domestic brews (think VB/New) so it'd be a cheap night. Just don't agree to go halves in a tax ride home. Dougie lives a long way from the city and is renowned for sprinting out of the cab and leaving you to pay.

What sends him psycho? Anyone holding a bat and dud refereeing decisions against his Roosters. He's also rumoured to go off when the missus reminds him it's bin night. 

Good bloke rating: 8 out of 10


Dougie B wowing the ladies with his ripper dancefloor moves (Pic: Getty Images)


Name: Kevin Pietersen

Team: Melbourne Stars

Nickname: KP 

Best known for: Irritating the crap out of rivals and team-mates, bagging his own team, putting shit on his adopted country, sucking up to Shane Warne and throwing his wicket away like he's a No.11 in the Duck and Dog Sunday League XI. 

Would you include him in your shout and why? No. For starters he probably drinks Midori and lemonade. And he's about as loyal as an alley cat. He'd be the type to duck out a side door just when it came time for him to return an eight-man shout. 

What sends him psycho? Anyone who has ever bowled for England. 

Good bloke rating: 2 out of 10


KP holding a stubby like he means it (Pic: Getty Images)


Name: Glenn Maxwell

Team: Melbourne Stars

Nickname: The Big Show/Maxi

Best known for: His ability to smash the ball to all parts of the ground with shots that weren't even invented yet - and his inability to rein things in when he should. 

Would you include him in your shout and why? Yeah why not? The Big Show polarises opinion more than most cricketers. His fans think he's the best thing to ever happen to the game but to his detractors he's an arrogant punk who puts himself before the team. So let's have a couple and find out Mr Maxwell.

What sends him psycho? Being called The Big Show, isn't that right Maxi!

Good bloke rating: 5 out of 10.

 

Name: Brad Hogg

Team: Perth Scorchers

Nickname: Hoggy, George

Best known for: His youthful enthusiasm at the tender age of 43. The oldest player in the BBL bounces around like a 10-year-old sugar addict and his tongue spends more time out of his mouth than in it. Hoggy is clearly mad but he can still bowl with the best of them and remains a fan favourite – especially in Perth.

Would you include him in your shout and why? Yes, but he has to agree to shut his trap occasionally. And keep your tongue in Hoggy, that's how trouble starts after dark.

What sends him psycho? He was born a little crazy and cricket is his outlet.

Good bloke rating: 7 out of 10.

 

Name: Andrew Flintoff

Team: Brisbane Heat

Nickname: Freddie 

Best known for: Terrorising Adam Gilchrist and the rest of the Australian batsmen as he led the Poms to victory in the 2005 Ashes series in England. Oh, and for getting blind drunk the night before a World Cup game in 2007 and almost drowning in a pedalo.

Would you include him in your shout and why? Absolutely. He's a legend of the game and by all reports a good bloke. He'd have a million stories to keep you entertained for hours – just keep the big fella on dry land and you'll be fine.

What sends him psycho? The sight of any Australian batsman.

Good bloke rating: 8 out of 10.


Freddie Flintoff doesn't mind mixing beer and wine (Pic: Getty Images)
 


Name: Jesse Ryder

Team: Melbourne Renegades

Nickname: Dija

Best known for: Boozing on the eve of big matches but still getting the job done with the willow. 

Would you include him in your shout and why? Yes, absolutely. It’s a guaranteed bender. From carousing with comedians in Hamilton and attending pirate-themed parties in Auckland, Ryder is a magnet for a good time. He can handle a beer – or dozen – doesn’t mind a punt and by all accounts doesn’t disappear when it’s his round. Just don’t tell his bosses at NZ Cricket…

What sends him psycho? Teammates who run him out, the media, umpires, selectors, coaches and anyone who interrupts his favourite movie Old School can all expect to be on the receiving end of an angry tweet.

Good bloke rating: 8/10 on a night out, 3/10 as a teammate.

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