Can't bat, can't bowl, can't field. England's running out of ideas as to how it can beat Australia in this one-day series.
Australia has already claimed the best-of-seven series and has its eyes set on a clean sweep.
A four-three, five-two or even six-one scoreline is eminently forgettable but not so seven-zip. That's humiliating.
It won't compensate for losing the Ashes but it will ensure the current navel-gazing inside the England dressing room and on Fleet Street is accompanied by more than just a slight furrowing of eyebrows.
Nobody does spectacular sporting failures quite like the Poms.
But perhaps we are selling them short. This was the same team which fooled a wide, brown land into thinking it had retained the urn at Headingley only for a baby-faced assassin to land the killer blow at The Oval.
England's grand plan all along was not to win the cherished NatWest Series but to lull Australia into a false sense of security ahead of the ICC Champions Trophy.
By being such great hosts and allowing the Australians to win and win so emphatically, Ricky Ponting's men will leave the shores of the Mother Country for South Africa thinking they are better than they really are. Or so the thinking goes.
Tacit in the plan is an assumption England's one-day side is better than what it has shown this series.
Problem is, all semblance of competence must have been locked away in the urn for this team does not have even a teaspoon of it.
It's won just six of 17 in the past 12 months and one came against Ireland.
Coach Andy Flower noted without a hint of sarcasm the other day that England had not produced a decent one-day side since 1992 when it made the semi-finals of the World Cup.
On current form, captain Andrew Strauss - his team's only decent batsman thus far - would get a guernsey in the green and gold.
England's horrible impersonation of a cricket team makes it difficult to assess Australia's progress though the ICC's rankings computer disagrees and will have Ricky Ponting's side atop the ratings should it complete a whitewash.
Winning form is good form and in the past two games Australia has won with a leg in the air.
It has found out Brett Lee is back bowling fast and furiously, as is Mitchell Johnson, and Cameron White is more than just a slogger.
Tim Paine, though not the class of Adam Gilchrist, has shown enough with bat and gloves to be a worthy long-term understudy Brad Haddin in the limited-overs format.
With the series secured, Australia will be looking to give Ben Hilfenhaus, Peter Siddle and Adam Voges a run so the trio will be ready should their services be required in South Africa.
But if a team learns most in adversity and defeat, Australia won't be finding out much in the remaining three games. England, on the other hand, will be ready to split the atom.