ATTENTION: National Selection Panel
RE: 2010 ICC World Twenty20
It wasn't your fault we couldn't win the Twenty20 series against England but I'm sure you'll be aware Australia's record in that form of the game is modest: 11 wins from 24 matches.
And from the past six games we've lost five and had one no-result. Our last win was against New Zealand and we all know that doesn't really count.
When Twenty20 first started, it was just a hit and giggle. The result didn't really matter. So long as a miked up Gilly cracked jokes for TV and thrashed a few big hits, viewers in lounge rooms and in the stands would have been happy even if we lost.
But the introduction of a world championship, or ICC World Twenty20 (why couldn't they just call it a Twenty20 World Cup?), means we're not just playing for matchsticks anymore.
And as we showed by bowing out in straight sets, we stink at the game.
Even the Dutch won something. By the way well played on getting Dirk Nannes back.
That was a nice start for next year's tournament in the West Indies but we've still got a long way to go.
There's a few more guys we need in the side.
Let's get Gilly, Haydos and Warney back. I know they're officially retired from international cricket and it's unprecedented to bring three guys out from pasture just for one tournament but the public will understand.
Whoever at Cricket Australia dreamed up that All*Star (clever spelling that) concept to get Hayden and Warne back out there should get a raise because those two will dominate and put our first XI to shame.
Hayden will smack 50, same with Gilchrist but in half as many balls and Warne will bag three or four wickets.
Warne and Gilchrist have already led their franchises to an IPL title in retirement and Hayden starred in the event this year after you pushed him over the edge.
They'll have all of next year's IPL to warm up for the tournament, so don't worry about them not being match-fit.
If you can't persuade an opener to come out of retirement why not get Brad Hodge from Victoria? You remember him don't you?
He's the guy you dropped after a double century then refused to pick in the Twenty20 even though he's scored more runs in the game than anyone else on the planet.
You gave him a Cricket Australia contract and it hasn't bought his silence so why not get him to play a game?
I can understand why you won't pick Andrew Symonds, especially if the tournament's in the Caribbean where the lure of catching a whopper and partying on the beach will be hard to resist.
The last thing we want is Merv having to leave his tour group early to babysit Roy but if you want to win silverware we all have to make sacrifices.
Just in case Andrew's too busy with his law practice and can't chair a selection meeting I've picked two squads for you to take part in an old-fashioned probables v possibles game.
One side's your current squad if you had your captain and keeper available, and the other's made up of the best of the rest and a few guys from the IPL.
And good luck. I think you'll need it.
Regards,
Andrew Wu
Australia: David Warner, Shane Watson, Ricky Ponting (c), Michael Clarke, Brad Haddin, David Hussey, Cameron White, Mitchell Johnson, Brett Lee, Nathan Hauritz, Ben Hilfenhaus
Australia II: Matthew Hayden, Adam Gilchrist, Brad Hodge, Andrew Symonds, Michael Hussey, Adam Voges, James Hopes, Shane Warne (c), Nathan Bracken, Dirk Nannes, Glenn McGrath