More than a year after Ray Rice punched and knocked out his now-wife, Janay Rice, in an Atlantic City, N.J., casino elevator on Valentine's Day, the former Ravens running back divulged his troubling experience to the Baltimore Sun, speaking publicly for just the second time since being released by Baltimore.
“The big picture of it all, being the person that I am, I really felt horrible,” Rice said in his hour-long interview. “You almost want to punish yourself. I know I'm never going to win the battle of public opinion. Honestly, I almost felt like at one point that it wasn't worth living. I see why people commit suicide.”
Just hours after a video of the assault was released by TMZ last September, Rice was suspended indefinitely by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and cut by the Ravens. He initially received a two-game suspension, causing a storm of criticism.
“It hurt that bad,” Rice said. “I was low, real low. It hurt that bad because you worked your whole life to do all the right things and then you're the world's most hated person. It was really tough. My daughter, oh Lord, I grew up without a father, there's no way I could check out on my own family.”
Despite everything, Rice insists that he doesn't hold a grudge against Goodell or the Ravens and hopes for another chance.
“It’s tough, I realize that’s a battle I’m going to have to face for the rest of my life,” Rice said. “Time does heal everything, but I don’t think people are going to forget this. I want people to not forget about the incident, but I want people to see there’s a human being on the other side. This is not a monster, a guy who’s a repeat offender. I’m not the guy they stereotype me to be. I’m not excusing what I did.
“I’m optimistic that I’ll get a second chance. I don’t think this boils down to whether I can play football or not. Obviously I know that. I just think there’s so much more that comes with it. I know the PR side of it will be tough. I understand that.”
Rice, 27, became a free agent after being reinstated to the NFL in November, though he hasn't visited or worked out with any NFL teams. Earlier in February, Rice issued an apology and bid farewell to Baltimore, later disclosing that he planned to move closer to his hometown of New Rochelle, N.Y.
As far as his marriage with Janay is concerned, Rice assured that their relationship has significantly improved after extensive counceling.
“Every day gets better,” Rice said.