MORE: AFL Grand Final Preview: Sydney v Hawthorn
Becoming a member of your club, the AFL or the Melbourne Cricket Club is the most conceivable way of securing a ticket.
But it's too late for that now....
It would probably take a minor miracle for these five schemes to work, but desperate times call for desperate ideas.
1. Enter competitions
If you really are desperate for a ticket, then spend the week entering as many competitions as you can. There are still a few out there, and you have to be in it to win it.
These Hawks fans were lucky enough to celebrate with Bradley Hill after last year's Grand Final. Photo: Getty
2. Try your luck outside the MCG
Thousands and thousands of toffs who go to the grand final, including swarms from interstate. Many of them actually couldn't give a stuff about the footy.
Their wives would definitely rather go shopping for the afternoon and that is your chance to snaffle an unwanted seat.
Head to the ground a few hours before the match, soak up the atmosphere - have a barbie or something - and keep your eyes open for somebody wanting/needing to part with their ticket.
If you've had no luck by about 2pm it's probably time to whip over to the closest pub.
3. Buy a sponsor's product
With a pinch of research you could list all of the AFL's major sponsors and hit them up for a spare ticket.
They are not going to just give you one.... So think outside the square.
For example, if you need a new car then head to a Toyota dealer. Then tell them you will buy their Hilux on the spot, but only if they throw in a Grand Final ticket package to crunch the deal.
4. Auction websites like eBay and Gumtree
Some people genuinely have tickets they can't use, for whatever reason, and will sell at pretty much face value. Some will advertise on Facebook and Twitter.
But there other money-hungry folk out there who make a fortune from scalping tickets at way above their original price.
About 30 tickets had already been pulled from auction websites and monitoring is continuing through the week.
5. Buy a corporate package
Grand final packages worth about $2,500 are still available. If you can justify forking out that much coin then go for it.
It's not considered scalping because you are buying a 'package'. For example your ticket might be worth $350 but the seller will argue the other $2,150 makes up the cost of supplying your matchday program and the Grand Final t-shirt and cap they've had sent from China.
There are other deals out there that will get you into a post-game event that has a live band and is fully catered.
But also consider... for that money you could buy an awesome new television and watch the game among good company at home.
AFL Grand Final tickets: A desperate supporter's guide
