Geelong footballer Simon Hogan has detailed his battle with depression, revealing he spent three weeks in hospital dealing with mental health issues earlier this year.
Hogan was given time off by the club earlier this year to address his depression, which he told 3AW had led to him considering suicide during his darkest days.
The 23-year-old, who has played 22 games with the Cats across the past three seasons, said his instance of depression earlier this year was the second time his mental health had suffered and that he had first sought help from a psychologist early in 2010.
"It got to a stage where I needed to put my footy career on hold and I ended up taking about a month off from footy in April and needed to look after my mental health," he said.
"I was diagnosed with a major depression and it was the second time I'd been clinically depressed."
While Hogan's mental health issues were acknowledged by the club publicly, little was known about the depth of his depression until he spoke this week.
"I spent three weeks in a Melbourne clinic and not many people know that," he said. "It was very confronting and I made that choice to go in along with my family."
"I was pretty close to thinking that I couldn't get any help and that I wasn't going to come out of it. I definitely was quite suicidal and had a few days where my Mum or my Dad had to take days off work to ensure they were around me because I almost couldn't trust myself."
"I guess those suicidal thoughts are just a part of depression and that was a big thing to go through with my psychologist."
"Those thoughts were really hard to deal with."
Hogan, who said he now feels back on top of his issues and is likely to be on medication for at least the next 12 months, said his time in the clinic and subsequent visits with the psychologist helped him put his dark feelings in context.
"It's an illness that you just don't have control of. It was like I wasn't myself for a few months and I guess once I started to realise that it was something else inside my head that was trying to control my thoughts and corrupt my normal thinking path," he said.
Hogan's revelations on depression are particularly poignant in the sporting world in the wake of the shock death of Wales football manager Gary Speed late last month.
The midfielder, who is studying health sciences and wants to pursue a career in the medical area, was speaking out as part of his role as an ambassador for mental heath body Headspace. He urged young people who are battling depression to seek help.
"There are thousands of other people who are going through a similar thing, and the main thing is to be proactive," he said.
"Don't sit back and think it's going to get better over time, or if you start avoiding things it'll just go away."
"Five sessions for an hour [with a psychologist] isn't going to solve everything, but over a gradual period of time, if you find a mental health professional who you have a good relationship with, then things can get back on track."
If you or a loved one are having problems with depression or anxiety, please contact Lifeline or Beyond Blue